rise and shine,princess.

There's nothing to say anymore, so I'll leave before I fall apart way back into your arms .

2009-11-30T03:26:00.008+08:00

Dear friends,
I am shifting and
I am ready to take off now .

Meet me at


www.riseandshineprincess.blogspot.com

Follow me there !

To my dearest,
www. bubuisbibi.blogspot.com

we've been through it all , so

Thank you .

And my last words to monster ;

' our luck changed
don't know what
don't know when
but it changed and now its hard
not to dwell on memories '

I'm sure we'll grow, but we'll never bloom again .

The sky looks pissed , the winds talks back , my bones are shifting in my skin , and you my love are gone

2009-10-23T04:56:00.005+08:00

I leave the gas on walk the alleys in the dark sleep with candles burning I leave the door unlocked I'm weaving a rope and running all the red lights did I get your attention ? cause I'm sending all the signs that the clock is ticking and I'll be giving my two weeks pick your favorite shade of black you best prepare a speech say something funny say something sweet but don't say that you loved me I'm still breathing but we've been dead for a while this sickness has no cure we're going down for sure already lost a grip best abandoned ship maybe I was too pale maybe I was to fat maybe you had better better luck in the sack no formal education and I swore way to much I swear you didn't care cause we were in love so as I write this letter and shed my last tear it's all for the better that we end this here lets close this chapter say one last prayer but don't say that you loved me cause I'm still breathing but we've been dead for a while this sickness has no cure we're going down for sure we've been diagnosed so lets give up the ghost .

Love is , someone to act goofy with . .

2009-10-21T05:18:00.011+08:00

Does the person you like, like you back?
He never tells

Who was the last person you gave your number to?
an application form

Do you know what you want to be when you grow up?
a successful woman with a beautiful family

Do you like to take walks?
sometimes

Ever had a song sang about/for you?
many songs

Can you recall the last time you liked someone a lot?
currently

What did your last text message say?
it's a long one

What is your middle name?
Nadzirah

What do you smell like?
cookies :)

What's under your bed?
bags and shoes

Have you ever cried cause you were so mad?
yes

Did anything dramatic happened yesterday?
I fell inside the toilet

Are you in love with someone right now?
no

What can you hear right now?
hard disk's fan

Did you feel better or worse or the same yesterday?
same

Who last texted you?
capiq

Who last called you?
shin chan

What is the wallpaper on your phone?
my face

What do you want for your birthday?
friends

Congratulations, you just had a baby girl! What's her name?
Lily ?

Are you happy?
I'm neutral now

Do you miss anyone?
I think so

Do you think that you have made a difference in someones life?
perhaps

Is anyone protective over you?
friends and family

Have you made any new friends lately?
yes

Are you waiting for anything?
for someone

Where is your dad?
at my aunt's

Have you ever been called beautiful?
yes

Last time you laughed?
few hours ago

Is it possible to be single and happy?
it depends

When were you on the phone last? And with who?
0155hours ; shin chan

What are you excited for?
going out today

What do you want right now?
you wouldn't want to know

Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
yes

Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell anything to?
all of my besties

Do you think somebody's in love with you?
no

Have you told anybody you loved them today?
yes

while we can hold on to someone, we know life won't let us go.

2009-10-05T02:30:00.008+08:00

Night and day the music plays on
We are all a part of the show
Feel the beat

The war is not over
Everyone knows it
It's just a reason to make us believe
That someone's the loser, someone's the winner
That's the way it should be
But I don't wanna believe

In the story they all say
This fairytale has gone too far
I take a step and dare myself to be free

To see how beautiful we are
That everyone can be a star
If only we would start believing in dreams
Believing in who we are

I'm so sorry I'm so helpless
But what should I do when I need you the most ?

For you I'd wait until my day is done.

I'll be seeing you in all the old familiar places that this heart of mine embraces all day through.

2009-10-04T00:43:00.006+08:00

I cheated myself like I knew I would ,
I told you I was trouble,

You know I'm no good.

and when it rains, will you always find and escape ?

2009-10-03T01:19:00.002+08:00

Just running away
From all of the ones that love you
From everything

You made yourself a bed
at the bottom of the blackest hole
and convince yourself that it's not the reason
You dont see the sun anymore

This is the world that we live in
I feel myself get tired

No worries;

Life is sweet
He loves me already

So people, turn around

Every bone has been broken
but my heart is still wide open

Third day of november;

Slept at 530am
Woke up for class at 8am -12pm
Slept again through the evening

Eat a proper meal at only at 10pm
Everyone around me is sleeping now

Listening to songs
I'm self inflicted

and I am still breathing.

I'm pushing everyone away cause I can't feel this anymore.

2009-10-02T02:50:00.008+08:00

So sick of this town pulling me down
My mother says I should come back home
but can't find the way cause the way is gone

So, if I pray am I just sending words to outer space ?

Another night waiting for someone to take me home
Is there a light at the end of the road ?

Have you ever feel so lost ?
Known the way and still so lost ?

Name : BABY
Age : 2 years old

Baby had been with me since 2007. He knows almost everything but he just couldn't talk. If ever one day he talks, most likely I will just stay away from him because I'm afraid that he will turn into Chucky. The reason why I post this picture is because I just wanna share to everyone some of my precious stuff here. :) So, this is NUMBER ONE on the list. Baby is actually a substitute of someone who wants to be with me all the time but he just couldn't so, Baby was given to me as a replace. Will always be my Baby.

Tonight, some people were talking bad things about me and my friends. It's like they knew everything about us in this world. They had been talking about us since before and they just couldn't shut their mouth. We don't even got a chance to talk about you guys because we were so busy talking about our life and all you can do is sit in a circle and talk craps about us is it ? Get a life ~~bitches~~ !

p/s : I meant it.

give me a reason to make me smile because I think I forgot how

2009-10-01T01:20:00.005+08:00

Every little thing I do I do for you with every little think I thought of you and I try so had not to notice I try so hard not to care I try so hard not to know that you're not here but I'm counting down the hours and I'm counting up the days. . .

I try so hard not to show this side of me
I try so hard not to show this side of me
I try so hard not to show this side of me
I try so hard not to show this side of me
I try so hard not to show this side of me
I try so hard not to show this side of me
I try so hard not to show this side of me
I try so hard not to show this side of me
I try so hard not to show this side of me
I try so hard not to show this side of me
I try so hard not to show this side of me
I try so hard not to show this side of me
I try so hard not to show this side of me
I try so hard not to show this side of me
I try so hard not to show this side of me
I try so hard not to show this side of me

It's October; tenth month of the year.
The final is coming closer and closer and closer.
As for me; nothing changed.
Only time will tell. .

and

The secret,
lies under my bed.

Goodnight !

High.

2009-09-29T16:17:00.005+08:00

Beautiful dawn - lights up the shore for me
There is nothing else in the world
I'd rather wake up and see with you
Beautiful dawn - I'm just chasing time again
Thought I would die ~~a lonely man~~, in endless night
But now I'm high; running wild among all the stars above
Sometimes it's hard to believe you remember me

Beautiful dawn - melt with the stars again
Do you remember the day when my journey began ?
Will you remember the end of time ?
Beautiful dawn - You're just blowing my mind again
Thought I was born to endless night, until you shine
High; running wild among all the stars above
Sometimes it's hard to believe you remember me

Will you be my shoulder when I'm grey and older?
Promise me tomorrow starts with you
Getting high; running wild among all the stars above
Sometimes it's hard to believe you remember me

I know, it's been a week since my last post.
And I didn't update as often as before nowadays.
I'm having problems with my dear personal computer and broadband connection.
I need some time to settle things up.
And I'll update sooner or later !

Pills .

2009-09-18T11:31:00.005+08:00

Pills - Pills - Pills
need pills to sleep at night
Gahhhhhhhhhhhhh. . . . .
.
.
.
can't stay on your life support there's a shortage in the switch
can't stay on your morphine cause it's making me itch
said i tried to call the nurse again but shes being a little bitch
think I'll get out of here
where i can run just as fast as i can
to the middle of nowhere
to the middle of my frustrated fears and i swear
you're just like a pill
.
.
.
Seriously, I need my pills.

I miss you . .

2009-09-17T03:24:00.004+08:00

Memory, that library of the soul
from which I will draw knowledge
and experience the rest of my life .

Tove Ditlevsen

High !

2009-09-16T09:50:00.002+08:00

I'm outta my mind
Don't mind me
Never mind me .

stone headed .

2009-09-07T03:32:00.006+08:00

I don't know if I can yell any louder
How many times have I kicked you out of here ?
Or said something insulting ?

I can be so mean when I wanna be
I am capable of really anything
I can cut you into pieces
When my heart is broken

How did I become so obnoxious
What is it with you that makes me act like this
I've never been this nasty
Can't you tell that this is all just a contest ?
The one that wins will be the one that hits the hardest
But baby I don't mean it
I mean it-- I promise

I forgot to say out loud
How beautiful you really are to me
I can't be without
You're my perfect little punching bag
And I need you
I'm sorry .

Please please don't leave me
Baby please don't leave me
No don't leave me
Please don't leave me
I always say how I don't need you
But it's always gonna come right back to this
Please don't leave me ...

yesterday

2009-09-02T02:16:00.003+08:00

YESTERDAY

all my trouble seems so far away . .

thanks anyway .

so ?

2009-08-27T13:22:00.000+08:00

DEAL
OR
NO DEAL ?
.
.
.

Goodmorning .

2009-08-26T09:33:00.003+08:00

Venue : Cyber Lingua Lab I

Subject : English Academic Writing

Lecturer : Prof. Madya Syed Omar

Group : D3C1

Temperature : very cold

Mood : tired, restless and sleepy

I am : in pain

I need : some sleep

The lecturer : is talking

I am : blogging

I am not : focusing

My thoughts : is flying

I think : I'm dying

Till then : I'm leaving

I wish (click here) ;

2009-08-22T03:13:00.005+08:00

- For you to just be with me everyday
- That I am stronger
- That you could at least remember me a bit
- That I could be stronger
- We could switch places so that you could feel what I feel
- That I am stronger than ever
- That you was there but you wasn't there
- That strong is not just a word
- You could help me to go through everything
- That I am strong without needing any help
- I could do better everyday
- That you could give me back my strength

Did you know, that you're my strength ?
Did you know, that I am strong because of you ?
Did you realize, that I cannot seem to operate nowadays ?
Did you know, that I need you the most right now ?

undiscovered .

2009-08-21T12:43:00.004+08:00

Did I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life ?

.
.
.

where should I start ?

2009-08-19T04:27:00.001+08:00

Been staring at the screen like for hours and suddenly the urge to blog came. At last ! but then, when I clicked on the [new post] button : taraaaa . . . empty mind ! There it goes. I said this to someone ; ' when you have soo much you will end up having nothing ' . There's loads of things in my head until I don't know how to spill it out. Ummm, okay lets start slowly. Where to start ? Last week ? Was a disaster . . This week ? Pretty much the same . .

I had my macroeconomic's test on last wednesday and finance's on friday and one word for both ; DISASTROUS ! sigh sigh-- Need help, a shrink maybe ? A friend took me out to clear up my mind on wednesday afternoon, I skipped Information System's class on the same day. Why ? To study macroeconomic for just a few hours before the test. I cried like hell after my finance paper on Friday. Why ? because I felt fucked up with me I can't even recall what I've studied like WHAT THE HELL is happening to me ! That night, I went to help a friend or should I say, I worked with him; for 3 days and the intention was to distract my mind so that I would think less about whatever whatever. Do you think it helped ? NO IT DID NOT. I felt really tired after finishing work at 1am but as I sat alone in my room and blaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh-- There it goes . . all the thoughts came crashing. Whatever, I TRIED O K A Y ??

It's 4 am now and I'm still not sleeping and my class is from EIGHT AM until FOUR PM tomorrow. How nice ! I've been having SLEEPLESS NIGHTS for 5 effing days ! You can just imagine how tired I am now ?? I skipped class again yesterday not one but two classes . . I feel bad oh sorry, I AM BAD and I don't know what is happening to me. I know, everyone would get as mad as hell as if they care about me but I don't even care about myself. How bad is that ? FUCK FUCK ! I'm a bummer :( Kill me please. Mom and Dad, I'm so sorry !

I need some rest now because I know, tomorrow will be harder . .

SUN, OPEN UP YOUR SHADES WILL YOU ?
give us a brighter day .

P/S : Fariz, stay strong. I'm happy to help you & thanks for helping me out.

and to YOU :

'those who are happiest are those who do the most for others. .'
and I'm doing it for you.

oh, suh-weet . .

2009-08-13T09:38:00.001+08:00

Changeling

2009-08-10T03:41:00.003+08:00

Try not to be hard on yourself ;
change is not a linear path
It's full of up's and down's

why ?

2009-08-09T22:32:00.001+08:00

I could feel you near me
Even when you're far away
I could feel you
Why ?
It's not suppose to be this way

.
.
.

Tired ?

2009-08-09T01:01:00.003+08:00

I should have killed myself in the first place.

and the risk that might break you
is the one that would save
a life you don't live is still lost

so live like you mean it
Love till you feel it
it's all that we need in our lives

so stand on the edge with me
hold back your fear and see
nothing is real till it's gone

I don't know. . .

2009-08-06T22:16:00.005+08:00

I can't hold it

I WANT YOU

:'(

.
.
.

please

Dear Friends. .

2009-08-05T22:52:00.001+08:00

I can't meet my friends before they go.
I can't send them to the airport.
How sad is that ?

Hunny
Diybone
Piko^
Kecik

I am so sorry.
I will be missing u guys. .

Hello.

2009-08-04T22:30:00.004+08:00

DAY 1 IN Segamat ; after EVERYTHING. .

I woke up, I took bath, I pray. I look at timetable : today's class 8am until 6pm -- Dead ! Dead ! Dead !
I suppose to go to class at 8, Instead. . I looked outside the window and then I went to bed, I sat, I day dreamed and all of the sudden I was lying on the bed with an empty mind. Hey, I should go to class ' I said ' but then my body refused to do what I said. After 10 minutes, a friend rang me up while I was what , sleeping ? When did I fall asleep ? Oh, maybe while I was day dreaming. Class at 10am is canceled. Okay thanks ! Now sleep tight Sleeping Beauty ! So I skipped the first class of the day; Mandarin, second class;English is canceled and I woke up for the third class of the day; Macroeconomics. Swallow, swallow everything the lecturer said. . Do the exercises, and everything went well. Not until the forth class; Information Systems. . I think I was not there. I mean, my body was there but my mind was not there . But wait ! I managed to answer the lecturer's question. Umm, I was there, maybe not all the time, because my friend said " Yinn ! you're day dreaming, again ! " Uhhhh. . . Mr Brain - STAY FOCUSED WILL YOU? As the class ended. . I went to get some foods, and and to eat but not to finish them. . Oh I pity you Mr Rice - I DIDN'T MEANT TO THROW YOU ! :( I slept at 8pm. . Woke up at 9pm, took bath and now here I am. . Blogging. . Yes I MISS YOU Mr Bloggy. . I'm so sorry for neglecting you last week. . Okay that's it for today. Time to get some rest now. BYE !

CAN'T SMILE WITHOUT YOU

2009-07-22T17:47:00.010+08:00

TOO MANY THINGS TO DO TOO MANY THINGS TO THINK TOO MANY EVERYTHING. HOW CAN I COPE UP WITH EVERYTHING ? GOD, HELP ME PLEASE. I KNOW THIS IS A TEST FOR ME. NO NOT A TEST. IT'S PLURAL, NOT SINGULAR. I AM TRYING HARD TO KEEP MY HEAD ON ITS PLACE. BEING ME IS NOT THAT EASY. PEOPLE CAN SEE ME SMILE AND LAUGH ALL THE TIME BUT THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT'S INSIDE ME.

THIS MORNING, I WAS SITTING ON THE CHAIR WAITING FOR THE LECTURER TO GET INTO THE CLASS, SYIDA SAT NEXT TO ME AND SHE HUGGED ME. I WAS STONED - FROZEN FOR A WHILE. 'HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT I REALLY NEED A HUG NOW?' I ASKED AND SHE WHISPER TO ME 'DON'T THINK ABOUT IT TOO MUCH, YOU'RE REALLY A TOUGH GIRL. ' I REMAIN SILENT FOR A FEW SECONDS AND THEN I SAID 'YES, I CAN DO IT.'

YOU SEE, LITTLE THINGS MEAN A LOT TO ME. SYIDA, THANK YOU. I KNOW NO ONE WOULD UNDERSTAND WHAT'S INSIDE ME NOW. EVERYTHING IS SO COMPLICATED.I AM NOW TRAPPED IN A BIG HOLE, FINDING WAYS TO GET MYSELF OUT OF IT.

TO THE OWNER OF THE CAR WHICH I DROVE AND I GOT CRASHED : I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND MY SITUATION. WITH ME SUDDENLY TRAPPED IN THIS BIG 'A' HOLE PROBLEM, KNOWING NO ONE WHO INVOLVED IN THIS SHIT WITH ME. PLEASE DON'T PUSH TOO HARD. I UNDERSTAND YOUR SITUATION I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND MINE. AND PLEASE DON'T YELL =(

TO WORK LOADS AND ASSIGNMENTS : PLEASE WAIT FOR ME TO FINISH YOU UP. LET ME MAKE MYSELF CALM AND I'LL GET BACK TO YOU AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. THANK YOU FOR WAITING AND I WANNA GET GOOD GRADES AGAIN THIS SEMESTER.

TO FRIENDS : THANK YOU FOR LISTENING. FORGIVE ME IF I ACT WEIRD, I DON'T REALLY MEAN IT. I'M SO SORRY MOHD AKHIMULLAH, I DIDN'T MEAN TO SHOUT AT U JUST NOW I WAS SO FUCKED UP THAT I CAN'T HOLD IT. I CAN'T HELP IT IF EVERYTHING WILL GET MESSED UP. I'LL MAKE IT UP TO U AND I HOPE TONIGHT WILL TURN OUT JUST FINE. FARAH AND SYIDA, I'LL TRY MY BEST TO CONCENTRATE ON MY STUDIES WITH YOUR HELP. I'LL FINISH THE ASSIGNMENTS OKAY!

TO FARA AND TUTEE : I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WOULD BE WITHOUT BOTH OF YOU. KEEP IT ON, KEEP ME LAUGHING AND SMILING. THANKS FOR YOUR ACCOMPANY.

TO EFFY : KAKAK I'M SORRY I DIDN'T DO AS I PROMISED AND I CAN'T BE THERE AT YOUR PARTY. HAVE A GOOD ONE AND HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY (21ST JULY). I HOPE U UNDERSTAND BUT I PROMISED MYSELF THAT I WILL DO IT AS SOON AS EVERYTHING GETS BETTER. MUCH LOVE, I'M MISSING U.

TO ME : STAY STRONG GIRL. YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH EVERYTHING FROM THE LITTLEST THING TO THE BIGGEST ONE. LIFE IS NOT EASY JUST SMILE AND THAT WILL MAKE YOUR DAY EVEN YOU'RE SAD JUST REMEMBER THAT IN THE END EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY AND ALWAYS PRAY, EVERYTHING WILL GET BACK TO WHERE IT SHOULD BE.

TO MR MONSTER : I'M NOW GIVING YOU SOME TIME PUT YOURSELF BACK INTO PIECES. I WON'T FORCE YOU TO TELL ME ABOUT IT ANYMORE. I GUESS THERE IS NO NEED FOR ME TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT FROM YOU FOR THE TIME BEING AS I KNOW THAT IT WILL HURT ME MORE AND MORE. AND I FORGIVE YOU, LOVE. NO MATTER WHAT. LETS JUST FACE EVERYDAY AS USUAL. I'LL BE WAITING FOR YOU TO COME BACK FROM WORK TODAY AND MAKE ME HAPPY =)

THINKING OF YOU

2009-07-21T21:35:00.007+08:00

I AM SORRY I JUST MISS YOU SOO BAD THAT I COULDN'T EVEN MANAGE MY OWN SELF THESE FEW DAYS I WAS WALKING BACK AND FORTH TALKING THIS AND THAT TELLING EVERYONE HOW MUCH I NEED YOU BANGING MY HEAD ON THE WALL SCROLL OVER THE OLD MESSAGES GOING THROUGH ALL THE PICTURES READING THE BLACK BOOK SLEEPING LATE AT NIGHT THINKING DAY DREAMING AND ALWAYS WISH THAT I COULD JUST FLY. HOW BAD SHOULD I BE ANYMORE JUST TO TELL YOU HOW MUCH DO I NEED YOU TO BE WITH ME DURING THESE DAYS. BABY, I HOPE THAT YOU CAN JUST COME INTO MY DREAMS AT NIGHT BECAUSE THAT WILL MAKE ME HAPPY ENOUGH. I'LL BE WAITING.

WHEN THERE IS NO SUNSHINE ON MY WINDOW

2009-07-21T20:00:00.000+08:00

HOME IS WHERE THE HEART <3 IS.

SAVE ME

2009-07-20T04:05:00.006+08:00

TWOONETWOTWOTHOUSANDSEVEN
OH HOW I MISS YOU

AND NOW

2009-07-20T03:35:00.000+08:00

I AM CRYING LIKE A BABY. SOMEBODY SAVE ME.

bad day.

2009-07-19T22:26:00.010+08:00

STUCK IN BETWEEN ???

A LONELY ROAD CROSSED ANOTHER COLD STATE LINE
MILES AWAY FROM THOSE I LOVE, PURPOSE HARD TO FIND
WHILE I RECALL ALL THE WORDS YOU SPOKE TO ME
CAN'T HELP BUT WISH THAT I WAS THERE
BACK WHERE I'D LOVE TO BE

RESTORE MY FATE IN THESE
WORDS SO CLEAR MY FAILURE DEAR
LIES TUCKED AWAY IN ME

WE WERE NEVER MEANT FOR DO OR DIE
I DIDN'T WANT US TO BURN OUT
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO HURT YOU NOW I CAN'T STOP

IT STARTED WITH A PERFECT KISS THEN
WE COULD FEEL THE POISON SET IN

SOMETIMES LOVE COMES AROUND
AND THEY KNOCK YOU DOWN
JUST GET BACK UP WHEN THEY KNOCK YOU DOWN

YOU CAN'T MAKE IT FEELS RIGHT
WHEN YOU KNOW THAT IT'S WRONG

EXPLAIN TO ME THIS CONSPIRACY AGAINST ME

DEAR GOD THE ONLY THING I ASK OF YOU
IS TO HOLD EM WHEN I'M NOT AROUND
WHEN I'M MUCH TO FAR AWAY
WE ALL NEED A PERSON WHO CAN BE TRUE TO YOU

CAN YOU TELL ME HOW CAN YOU SAY
WHY THIS SHOULD SUFFICE
YOU PASSED ME BY
AND YOUR HEART'S AS COLD AS ICE

I WAS FLYING NOW I'M CRASHING

.
.
.

click on this title will you?

2009-07-17T02:59:00.004+08:00

I admit that I really want you badly
But now I realize I am just between you and them
I don't understand this entire have to happen

I admit that I put hope on you
But now I realize I will not be
I don't understand this entire have to happen

Forget me
Get back on
I mean nothing to you
With me loving you
It doesn't mean that
I must be having you forever

I don't understand this entire have to happen

- D'Masiv.

best friend =)

2009-07-16T02:41:00.005+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALIA ATIRA :)

MUMMY !!!

2009-07-15T02:32:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMY !!!
LOVE YOU =*

words fail me...

2009-07-14T02:45:00.002+08:00

in need; of Xs and Os.

HA - HA - OK

2009-07-12T23:41:00.006+08:00

do you have to let it linger?

nope;

bullS

moonlight.

2009-07-11T03:27:00.004+08:00

but I don't have the strength to stay away from you anymore--
.
.
.
.
.
.

again again

2009-07-08T23:33:00.003+08:00

SICK = HEADACHE = PAIN = DYING

(fullstop)

sicko.

2009-07-07T23:17:00.002+08:00

I'M SICK and I WANT YOU
I DON'T CARE
I WANT YOU
I WANT YOU
I WANT YOU

YOU YOU YOU!!!!!!!

I WANT YOU AND ONLY YOU!!!

x_x

uh uh uhhhhh

2009-07-06T23:33:00.001+08:00

Here i am in segamat. Arrived on Sunday morning. I got my previous room block: SMK room: 217A nothing much changed- same bed same cupboard same desk same view only with different roommate (semester 1 student), different surroundings (neighbours are all mostly strangers), and of course different class timetables. I’m only talking to my new roommate and a few old neighbours. Others are all people that i have never seen their face. I got to know that there are 27 semester 1 student here live next to my room in front, beside, here and there and around this wing. That’s a large number since during my time there were only 7 of us. WOW! No wonder I knew almost no one. Sigh.

I’m quite not well. I got flu, I’m coughing and got sore throat. Segamat is cold nowadays. I didn’t go to any class today since I haven’t complete my class registration. The system is going crazayyy! Pfffffttt. Maybe I’ll go to my first class which is mandarin tomorrow morning. I’m gonna stop talking now because i’m getting tired. I think I'm happy because I'm sick but I am also hoping that i will get well soon. hahaha

whatever. I'm crapping now. I need to sleep -- OUT!

Second year - Second semester.

2009-07-05T22:12:00.002+08:00

Holiday and FUN is now past tense T_T

back in JOHOR
welcoming;
classes, mass lectures, assignments,
presentations, quizzes, tests,
boredom and sickness.

ONLY HOPE T_T

2009-07-04T02:24:00.005+08:00

There's a song that's inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold.
But you sing to me over and over and over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours, I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope

Sing to me the song of the stars
Of your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours, I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope

I give you my destiny
I'm giving you all of me
I want your symphony singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs I'm giving it back

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours, I pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I KNOW NOW YOU'RE MY ONLY HOPE.

I don't why but I tend to get very Emotional whenever I think about Segamat , and of course him. Can you just imagine how do I suppose to feel when I get to see him EVERYDAY for the whole week and suddenly I can't see him anymore and not just for today but for how long-- I just don't know. OKAY I know it's lame but, just put yourself in my shoes for a while and then you'll get to know how I feel. (or you just won't feel the same) I think I had spent 3/4 of this holiday with him and that makes it harder for me. OH NOOOO!! T.T After two months; and everything that we've been through along the way I SERIOUSLY HOPE that I can cope with everything and put my feet back on the ground faster. I will miss driving you here and there picking you up and sent you back and all the conversations we had in the car and all the places that we went all the foods that we ate all the songs that we sang all the fights that we had and all the jokes that we laugh at and In conclusion all the things that we did together-- I already MISS YOU! (and I'm still at home) -.- DEAR GOD, PLEASE GIVE ME STRENGTH TO GO THROUGH EVERYTHING ALL OVER AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN. THANK YOU FOR GIVING THE HAPPINESS THAT I COULDN'T ASK FOR MORE AND LEAD ME TO BE A BETTER HUMAN BEING.LOVE ALWAYS--

rianshpr??

2009-07-03T23:08:00.001+08:00

Have you ever been so lost?
Known the way and still so lost
Another night waiting for someone to take me home
Have you ever been so lost?

T.T

100th POST --

2009-07-01T22:47:00.008+08:00

As I had promised to someone, so here you are; MY 100th POST.

I am very happy to announce that monster is now working --YAY!!
we went out on Monday/30th for the job hunt in SOGO/Pertama/Maju Junction Kuala Lumpur
job hunting for part timers is a hard-to-do and if you're lucky you'll get one in a flash!
from retail shop's sales assistant to hand phone's salesman
to carpet's salesman? hehe
and I even asked him to try his luck at LOVELY LACE
(he can play with the teddies right?)
sadly, the sales assistant said; sorry, we had never experienced hiring a guy here. haha too bad!
after a couple of hours of hunting, at last -- He got a job!
Thanks to me me me ^.^ (you know why)

and today/1st July is his first day of work.
I sent him off to work and he looks handsome :)
Good Luck, Chuck^^ ehh--- MONSTER!

oh, to anyone who feels like visiting him to punch his face, LOL
or just wanna give him some work to do instead of standing and chit chatting,
don't hesitate to go to :

SOGO, Kuala Lumpur
2nd Floor
Daniel Hechter's cloth line
(you can buy clothes for Daddy there!)
don't forget to bring along some food for him okay? hehehe
.

.
.
.
.
.
Hey YOU, Happy Working!!!
Don't forget your promises; after you get your salary :D

P/S: I'm gonna tell all of you one of his promises,
He said he will buy Nokia E71 for US to SHARE but HE WILL KEEP IT
sounds cool eh? hahahahahaha bwek! :p

Wait!! I chopped off my hair already -.-
is it okay? because somehow i feel like it's too short
He said it's okay-- some others said it should be shorter?? OMG no no.

-.-V peace.

RIP

2009-06-27T16:17:00.006+08:00

REST IN PEACE WACKO JACKO

1958 - 2009
May God Bless You.

' Another day has gone
I'm still all alone
How could this be
You're not here with me
You never said goodbye
Someone tell me why
Did you have to go
And leave my world so cold

You are not alone
I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay
You are not alone
I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart '

- You are not alone(1995).

weeeeeee~

2009-06-23T23:38:00.002+08:00

I took the quiz :
What is LOVE to you?

With the result :
[To my loved one]

I seem to have loved you in numberless forms,
numberless times,
in life after life,
in age after age forever.

My impression :

wooott wooott..

-.-V peace'

BIG FISH^^

2009-06-21T20:45:00.009+08:00

I didn't realize that we're now in the middle of June until yesterday so, I decided to make this post. This is a token of appreciation for my Best Friend for FOUR years. I know, 4 is not a BIG number since there are those who have been best friends for their whole life but hey, we're in our FOURTH year and still counting! ;)

This person is my schoolmate but I had never ever talk to him in our early years, I mean when we're in Form 1 or 2. He's not even exist in the dictionary of my life at that time. As far as I can remember, I had only see him in our block ONCE and that was when he was climbing the stairs and I'm going down while the only thing that I thought in my head was 'oh, this is the new student, OK'. So that was it, I don't even remember seeing him again after that.

Somewhere around June 2005 we had this class rearrangement and voila! we're classmate. That was when we started to be friends so this month we're officially 4 years. I still remember the first time we talked and all off the sudden, we became closer. I guess it's because of all the fights we had in class every morning where he wanted the fan to be turned off as I wanted the fan to spin as fast as it could haha. We started to share our problems and so on until the end of the year he had to move to oversea with his family. Eh wait, he didn't change his school but he stayed there for the holiday and we lost contact. T.T

2006 was a bit different, people knew him as my 'rakan' , we were as close as we could be but then there were issues. There were this girl and that girl and you know, we're Best Friend so what's the big deal? We fought - we didn't talk and it took so long for things to get better. Maybe it wasn't THAT long but it was long enough for me to feel hurt and to cry and to wait for things to get better. We managed to save our friendship at last and things got back to where it should be. :) Did I mention? his girlfriend (at that time) must be pretty jealous with me as I am closer to him-- LOL. I remember I sat with him on the last day of school and cried for the whole day until it was time to go home. He went back to oversea and It was sad to be apart. -.-

What about 2007? 2008? and this year? Let me just keep all the stories to myself. ;) I'm not gonna talk about all the years that we've been through anymore because getting back to the point I should APPRECIATE HIM right? well yeah, he's the most caring person I've ever met but that was back then--hahahahaha no no he cares but slightly in a different way than before. Let me just list out things that make him special to me OK?

HE:

is caring-- in a way :)
is silly and funny!
is kind -.-
is very cute when he's sleeping
is adorable (hihi)
is a spoilt darling lalala--
is annoying sometimes. eugh ;(
is a violent dushdush-
is VERY shy.
is a SLEEPYHEAD krooohh--
is very fierce & HOT tempered woahh-
is good at all mod-ing/customizing thingy can even mod people
eats EVERYTHING!
and the list goes on and on and on^^

I LIKE..

his burping sound :O
it when he is soo Excited with things
the birth mark :)
his face when he is shy soo cute
it when he gets annoyed with me ^.^
his singing tune hahaha
to watch movies with him
to go shopping together--
it when we play squirrel together hihi
his serious face -.-
to give him FOODS to EAT :D
everything that we did together
whatever---

On top of everything;

I LIKE his big stomach -- :DD

I guess we've been through a lot for these past 4 years.
from zero to friends to BEST FRIENDS to enemy to Lover to stranger
and to whatever we call it now. :)
He tried his best on everything - I appreciate it.
Glad to have you all the wayy & yeah man--
YOU'RE MY EVERYTHING, THANK YOU SO MUCH!

this is HIM :

taken on: 2007-2007-2008-2009

mr army, woott woott-- (2006)

sooo thin, now fat already-hoho (2007)

so adorable rite? (2008)

ok, now not so adorable anymore. hahaha (2009)

others see him as someone they should "handle with care"
he is seen as vain, self-centered, and who is extremely dominant. - Dr Phil

I would like to write mooooooorrrrrrreeeee things about him but I think I should just stop before this post will be like my 5 pages English essay haha.There's no words that can show how much do I appreciate him rite? Oh, thanks for reading and do leave a comment on this. ;)

hey! violent > stupid > bratty > self-centered > LOVE YA! :D
anyway, Happy Father's Day to you too ^.^

peace -.-V no war

Dad's Day.

2009-06-21T18:37:00.001+08:00

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY, ABAH!
Thank you for EVERYTHING :))

Love is hard--

2009-06-20T03:13:00.003+08:00

I see lovers in the streets
walking without a care
they're wearing out loud
like there's something in the air
oh and i don't care

they're treading lightly
no they don't sink in
there's no tracks to follow
they don't care where they going

and if they're lucky and they'll
they'll get to see
and if they're really really lucky
they'll get to feel

and it kicks so hard
it breaks your bones
cuts so deep
it hits your soul
tears your skin
and makes your blood flow
it's better that you know
that Love is hard

Love takes hostages
gives them pain
gives someone the power to
hurt you again and again
oh but they don't care

and if they're lucky
they'll get to see
and if they're really really lucky they'll
they'll get to feel

and if they're truly blessed
and they're get to believe
and if you're dammed
you'll never let yourself be diseased

and it kicks so hard
it breaks your bones
cuts so deep
it hits your soul
tears your skin
and makes your blood flow
it's better that we know
that Love is hard

Love is hard--
If it was easy it wouldn't mean nothing though.

head + ache

2009-06-18T00:58:00.004+08:00

I usually will get my headache --
maybe once in a month.
or maybe after a looooong period of time.
or whenever and where ever.

and this past few days I'm 'ENJOYING' my headache.

oh! do you know how to differentiate dizzy and headache?
well, because some just don't know.
it is not dizzy and headache is worse than that.

you will feel like there's a big stone inside your head.
the only thing that I can do is to-bang-my-head-on-the-wall.
I don't take panadols, paracetamols or whatever meds
because I just don't. -.-

just now I took bath and I stared at the mirror.
I looked into my eyes-- I noticed that it's all yellow-ish + red-ish.
is this bad? am I having a serious disease?

haha

anyone with migraine?
can anyone tell me if this is a migraine?
or if a doctor is reading this (which I doubt)
please gimme a call-- :)

perhaps this is the consequences of too much staring on the PC screen. -.-

Have a GOOD DAY all of you!

anyway, THANK YOU headache--

peace yo! -.-V

his butt haha!

2009-06-17T00:05:00.004+08:00

I took this survey from alia othman's blog, she didn't tag me but I just feel like answering these questions. Thanks anyway. :)

1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
get on the bed, hug the pillow and soon will cry.

2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
to be the happiest couple on earth.

3. Whose butt would you like to kick?
his butt haha.

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
buy a house, car, share with love ones and go shopping.

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?
been there, done that.

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
loving someone and being loved too.

7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
as long as i could, perhaps.

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
let them be.

9. If you like to act with someone, who will it be? your gf/bf or an actress/actor?
tommy!!

10. What takes you down the fastest?
anything related to him which hurts.

11. How would you see yourself in ten years time?
a successful woman married to a lovely man maybe?

12. What’s your fear?
being left alone. (with no one cares about me)

13.What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
nobody tagged me.

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
married but poor. (to have someone to love & care makes you rich enough)

15. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?
look at the time, get online.

16. Would you give all in a relationship?
yes.

17. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
the one who loves me too.

18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing the someone has done?
forgive and not to talk over that matter again. (I never forget)

19. Do you prefer being single or having a relationship?
I prefer being single but still having a relationship. (and how is that?)

WTV.

2009-06-16T22:29:00.003+08:00

Blow the candles out.
poooffff~~
I, hate.

sensible heart,

2009-06-16T01:00:00.002+08:00

I get so distracted
by some people's reactions
that i don't see my own faults
for what they are

at times so self destructive
with no intent or motive
but behind this emotion
my sensible heart

see I'm no ~~king~~ queen
I wear no crown
but desperate times they seem over now
but still I'm weakened somehow
and it tears me apart

I hope to learn as time goes by
that i should trust what's deep inside
burning bright oh burning bright
my sensible heart

faux pas : false step

2009-06-14T22:18:00.004+08:00

what false step that i had taken?
I don't know, this post has got nothing to do with the title.

as for today : I got --

headache.
stomachache.
high desire to pee.

I went to the the toilet for how many times?
I can't remember.

I don't know what to do.
should I get a rest?
okay, I'm off now.

my headache is getting worse. -.-

Its gonna take a miracle to bring you back.

2009-06-12T03:21:00.006+08:00

scratching the head
banging it on the wall--
just give me some wise words

it will make me feel much better

-.-
I'm just a BIT disappointed
with the results

and that's what I really need

not the..mm..never mind just let it be.
still whatever you said is true
I should be happier :)
just don't be mad at me

I miss my RIDDY.
I know he would make me feel better.
but he's not anywhere to find.
I miss EVERYTHING in the PAST :'(

and all of the sudden,
I miss the old YOU&ME.

REACH --

2009-06-11T12:41:00.002+08:00

Hush,
Don't speak a word about the dreams that I live for
It hurts to reach you when I’m down
Don’t speak again; I'm still waiting for my turn
It hurts to reach you when I’m down

My dreams are growing into
Frustrations when I hear your voice
Feeding me till I’m choking
My ears are ringing louder
Repeating words that bring me down
Ringing, my ears are bleeding

So hold your breath and spare me
The pointless conversation
I’m running out of patience
Don’t blame me for trying to reach

As you are moving forward
I feel as if I can't catch up
Trying so hard to reach you
I’m stuck here at the bottom
You’re too high up to come back down
Trying so hard to reach you

Silence your harsh words my dear
My ears are ringing of this
I can't stop thinking of it
I try to reach you but I fall

Silence your harsh words my dear
My ears are ringing of this
I can't stop thinking of it

Silence your harsh words my dear
My ears are ringing of this
I can't stop thinking of it

It hurts to reach you when I'm down.

okay now I am EMO.

2009-06-10T22:45:00.006+08:00

I am a jealous freak yet, I don't tell.
I keep everything related to the jealousy to myself.
I talk to no one about it nowadays.
I don't think they would like to hear it, anymore.

You should know, it's tearing me up inside.
It's like there's one monster who lives in me.
Eats me up inside, eats my soul.

You're hurt - I'm hurt.
I need you - and you?
I need to talk to you.
We need to talk.
Why wouldn't you talk to me?
Do we get to talk?
I mean, the REAL, heart-to-heart talk?

Hey at times I got jealous.
I am jealous with --- whoever.
I think you know, but I don't think so.
I don't care - I am Jealous.

There are tonsss of things inside my head.
You should know that I am a psychic.
I know what you did - almost everything.
I know what you're doing now, here & there.
I hate being one, I hate to know everything.
Yes I am a stalker, too. ( i am trying to put it down.)

I feel insecure.
I feel unappreciated.
I feel lost.
I am unhappy.
I am FAKE.

I hate all these unpleasant feelings.
I even hate to write this.
This is bad - bad enough - so bad.

I need you - to at least listen to me.
Just to listen to me when I'm talking.
When I feel like sharing with you.
I know you can be a good listener.
You are one, you suppose to be one.

I need you - to just care.
A little bit won't hurt.
A tiny one will do.
A little thoughts means A LOT.
Don't be so Heartless.

Whatever you said.
It keeps lingering in my mind.
Running through my veins.
Sweating through my pores.
I would want to ask you.
but then I stopped myself.
I did not ask - I sat silently.

Still, I am the most annoying creature in this world.
I wish I could just rot, and vanish.

I want to change.
I need to - I have to.
I must, am I right?
and for you, anything for you.

Please wait, for me - in a BETTER version.

Correct me when I'm wrong.
Tell me what to do.
Be there when I need you.
Catch me when I fall.
Pull me up when I'm down.

This post is confusing.
I got mixed feelings.
I wrote this for 3 hours.
Don't mind me.

Thanks for Everything, I mean EVERTHING.
and tonight, you were there when I needed you.
I, appreciate you. :)

Look at the STARS, Look how they SHINE for YOU.

hahahahahahahaha.

2009-06-03T03:50:00.001+08:00

I'm going.

Bye Bye!

:D

nothings right, I'm torn.

2009-06-02T07:14:00.000+08:00

I don't know why..

After all the things that happened today..

I don't feel like going anymore..

I don't feel the excitement as much as before..

I don't feel anything..

I can still hear that scream..

It's still lingering in the air..

Everywhere..

abcdef&$k

2009-05-31T21:09:00.004+08:00

I said I didn't do it - I didn't.

and u didn't know,no wonder u acted that way..

oh Genting.

2009-05-31T06:33:00.001+08:00

I wanted to update, but i guess Im too tired to write a long post.
Maybe this short one will do, okay mr bloggy?

Im now in Genting and going back home this noon.
I went to the theme park, Again to play all the blaablaa..
one thing is, I HATE CABLE CAR. (fullstop) ha-ha

Im looking foward for my next holiday with my family
but, The destination will be a secret for now
Wait for me to come back home okay

btw, It wont be as LONG as my previous roomate
Having her holiday in FRANCE. (sh** u!)
11th May until 2nd July - huh
How greedy u are, mate! LOL

okay, Im gonna off now..

oh, my dad is not in the picture because he was working at that time.

now only I know. LOL

2009-05-28T02:45:00.003+08:00

I feel guilty.
I'm so sorry I didn't know about it.
I'm so sorry I have doubts on you.
I'm so sorry I feel stupid about it now.
I'm so sorry I love you.

If only I listen to what you were trying to say that day.

It's FUNNY.
ha-ha STUPID me.
I'm SORRY.
:)

but still,what I said is true right?

sleepyhead,i want you.

2009-05-23T03:22:00.004+08:00

Where are you? I wanna sleep with you . . .

apple-berry-lime.

2009-05-20T23:59:00.000+08:00

Don’t settle for less again.
You’ve become more than I could have become for you.
More than I could have inspired to be.
Hesitation will leave dents on the walls and the rail.
And your scent will leave me with more faith in myself.
I wanted to kiss you goodnight.
No longer can pretend.
It won’t cave in and will be alright.
I wanted to save this last light.
With dawn comes certainty of what we’ll be,
for now hold me lightly.
I wanted to tell you I lied.
I said I’d make it through this world alright,
but i don't care to try.

sleepless nights.

2009-05-20T01:53:00.005+08:00

My body is tired but, my brain is not. I don't even know what the real problem is. I just can't sleep these days. Abah said 'you stay up all night long everyday, staring at the screen too much so it's not that you can't sleep.'. Yes I did but what about when it's 4 or 5 or even 6 in the morning and i still can't sleep? It's torturing, when you're tired but the only thing that you can do is just lay on the bed and keep on changing your positions without sleeping. I'm restless. Help me! Yesterday, I slept when i was driving the car during the day and that was bad, because I almost killed myself for that. Maybe I should go offline and try to get some sleep right now. I hope I can sleep now. Please, I need some rest.

Goodnight, me.

when a heart and a head combines.

2009-05-13T21:09:00.005+08:00

I'm bored of your love
I'm bored of your face
I'm bored of your random all over the place attitude
I'm bored of you

*
*
*
*
*
*

and

*
*
*
*
*
*

I'm in love with your love

In love with your face
In love with almost everything that you say
Yes it's true I'm in love with you

I say, sitting on the edge of both sides,
that meets in the middle,
is more like it.
This is confusing, really.

*
*
*
*
*
*

but still, I LOVE you! :)

the medley.

2009-05-11T16:58:00.004+08:00

I know its not to get away from me
You just need a change of scenery

So strange how everything went wrong so fast
And I hope that this confusion does not last

It's getting colder, starting to freeze

Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

* i know, no one would understand whats the meaning of this. :)
yeah,you don't have to.

oh no no.

2009-05-10T14:51:00.003+08:00

SEMESTER BREAK?

it doesn't excites me at all.

trust me,
after a week,i will start to rot.

and then,
decompose.

save me.

the finals.

2009-05-10T14:46:00.000+08:00

i'm gonna be sitting for the papers on these dates okay.
please please please wake me up on the morning of the days.
i'll appreciate it soooo much friends! :')
thanks, luv u!

~~28th April - ECO 162~~
~~4th May - QMT 216~~
~~9th May - CTU 151~~
~~10th May - BEL 260~~

after these papers i can do whatever i want.
haha.
wish me luck! :))
may the force be with me.

ALL DONE!
MORE TO COME, NEXT SEMESTER. :)

you!!!

2009-05-08T03:24:00.003+08:00

i need you
yes i want you
and yes i miss you
i wanna hear your voice, badly
come to me now, please

:(

this is me.

2009-05-07T23:15:00.004+08:00

Your mind is like a Still Lake.
You walk through life slowly and safely.
You don't take many chances, but rarely fail to accomplish your goals
although you can sometimes be considered lazy.
You are easy going but hard to figure out.
You have a good sense of humor.

one of those quizzes said this, and yeah it's true. :)

p/s : I'm not in the mood of writing this week, still haven't finish the exams yet, rarely post anything here.

4.4.4.4. oh lets die, erk!

2009-05-01T04:12:00.003+08:00

4 names that friends call you:
- adzrin,
- ayin,
- kayin,
- yinn.

4 most important dates in your life:
- 30.03,
- 21.02.2007,
- 15.07,
- 27.02.

4 things you've done in the last 30 minutes:
- thinking of something depressing, *sigh*
- msn with a new chinese friend, :)
- called someone,
- online window shopping.

4 ways to be happy:
- see him even just for a few minutes, :)
- hang out and meet friends.
- being bullied by these crazy people; R,E,F,
- hang out with effy, fifi and ridhwan!

4 gifts you would like to receive:
- a box loads with lots of cash,
- a new watch and handphone,
- new pairs of *cough cough* to add to my collections.
- him-> wraped and tied with ribbons.

4 of your favourite hobbies:
- getting online of course!
- talk talk and talk, :D
- shop till i drop haha [never will]
- listen to music.

4 places you want to go for vacation:
- currently -> medan :(
- australia,
- hawaii,
- paris for honeymoon. ;)

4 things always found in your bag:
- my handphone,
- beloved purse,
- my free hair comb,
- anything that can be eaten. [chocs, sweets] :DD

Top 4 you love so much:
- abah & mummy,
- Muhammad Ridhwan Bin. Mohd Ekhwan Dias,
- siblings,
- FRIENDS thank you. :)

Top 4 things 'special' for you:
- my teddy [baby] and my ring,
- my favorite smelly pillow, :P
- the LOVE folder in my lappy,
- the collections of my favorite pairs of *cough cough*.

Top 4 who you would like to answer this survey:
- my mother,
- my grandmother and my grandchilds,
- linked friends who read this please,
- and you down there!!

I think I might know.

2009-04-30T00:25:00.007+08:00

yes, I understand it's your mood & it's swinging.
I'm sorry.

I can hear my train comin'

It's a lonesome and distant cry
I can hear my train comin'
Now I'm runnin' for my life
What makes a man walk away from his mind?

I can feel the wind blowin'
It's sending shivers down my spine
I can feel the wind blowin'
It shakes the trees and the power lines
What makes a man spend his whole life in disguise?

I can see the sun settin'
It's casting shadows on the sea
I can see the sun, it's setting
It's getting colder, starting to freeze
What makes a man want to break a heart with ease?

Well I can hear my train comin'
Looks like time is not on my side
Well I can hear my train comin'
I'm still runnin' for my life
What makes a man pray, when he's about to die?

bruises?

2009-04-28T16:03:00.005+08:00

I tried to do handstands for you
I tried to do headstands for you
Every time I fell on you yeah
Every time I fell
I tried to do handstands for you
But every time I fell for you
I'm permanently black and blue
Permanently blue for you

I grabbed some frozen strawberries
So I could ice your bruising knees
But frozen things they all unfreeze
And now I taste like...?
All those frozen strawberries
I used to chill your bruising knees
Hot July ain't good to me
I'm pink and black and blue for you

I got bruises on my knees for you
And grass stains on my knees for you
Got holes in my new jeans for you
Got pink and black and blue

For you
So black and blue
For you

Ha-Ha!

This song suits me well for now because I fell inside the toilet last Saturday while i was talking to my roomate and i got bruises but, not on my knees. It's on my ummmm, chest ? yeah, chest it is.

Finally, i went to the clinic this morning (it took me 3 days to decide) after i finished my economics paper.

The doctor said ;
the chest is clear, lungs is okay and no bone is broken.

you just have to bare with the pain for another 2 to 3 weeks.
and when you're out of the painkiller just come here and ask for more.

Okay, 2 to 3 weeks. nvm i'll only lay on the bed for the next everyday.
I just can't move like always because
almost every movement leads to the pain pain pain.
I even cried because of the pain this morning
(haha, pussy) nahh, whatever whatever.
Maybe tomorrow i'll be flying back to Shah Alam
and I need 'mr. YOU' to pick me up please.
THANK YOU :)

haha i'm 58% innocent.

2009-04-20T17:35:00.002+08:00

Try this, this is FUN! :))
Start with 100% and subtract 1% for everything that you've done.
Then post as you're __% innocent.

01. Smoked
02. Drank alcohol.
03. Cried when someone died.
04. Been drunk.
05. Had sex.
06. Been to a concert.
07. Gotten/given a hand job.
08. Been verbally/sexually harassed.
09. Flirted
10. Verbally/sexually harassed somebody.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 97%

11. Felt someone up and/or been felt up.
12. Laughed so hard something came out of your nose.
13. Cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend before.
14. Been cheated on by a boyfriend/girlfriend.
15. Been to prom.
16. Cried at school.
17. Gotten lost in a Wal-Mart or a department store.
18. Went streaking.
19. Given or received a lap dance.
20. Had someone of the opposite sex in your room.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 91%

21. Had someone of the opposite sex sleep over.
22. Slept over at someone of the opposite sex's house.
23. Kissed a stranger.
24. Hugged a stranger.
25. Went scuba diving.
26. Driven a car.
27. Gotten an x-ray.
28. Hit by a car.
29. Had a party.
30. Done drugs.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 86%

31. Played strip poker/darts/pool.
32. Got paid to strip for someone.
33. Run away from home.
34. Broken a bone.
35. Eaten sushi.
36. Bought porn.
37. Watched porn.
38. Made porn.
39. Made beans.
40. Been in love.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 82%

41. French kissed.
42. Laughed so hard you cried.
43. Cried yourself to sleep.
44. Laughed yourself to sleep.
45. Stabbed yourself.
46. Shot a gun.
47. Trash talked someone and then acted like their best friend the next day.
48. Been online for 9 consecutive hours.
49. Watched TV for 9 consecutive hours.
50. Watched an animal die.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 77%

51. Watched a person die.
52. Kissed somewhere with at least 1 person present.
53. Pranked somebody.
54. Put somebody in the hospital.
55. Snuck into someone's room and/or your own room after being out.
56. Made spicy beans.
57. Dressed punk.
58. Dressed Goth.
59. Dressed preppy.
60. Been to a motocross race.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 74%

61. Avoided somebody.
62. Been stalked.
63. Stalked someone.
64. Met a celebrity.
65. Played an instrument.
66. Ridden a horse.
67. Cut yourself.
68. Bungee jumped.
69. Ding dong ditched somebody.
70. Been to a wild party.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 69%

71. Been caught stealing something.
72. Kicked/punched a guy in the balls.
73. Stolen a boyfriend/girlfriend from a friend.
74. Gone out with your friend's crush.
75. Got arrested.
76. Been pregnant.
77. Babysat.
78. Been to another country.
79. Started your house on fire.
80. Had an encounter with a ghost.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 68%

81. Donated your hair to cancer patients.
82. Been asked out by someone that you never thought you'd be asked out by.
83. Cried over a member of the opposite sex.
84. Had a boyfriend/girlfriend for over 2 months.
85. Sat on your butt all day.
86. Ate a whole carton of ice cream all by yourself.
87. Had a job.
88. Gotten cut from a sports team.
89. Been called a whore.
90. Danced like a whore.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 63%

91. Been mistaken for a celebrity.
92. Been in a car accident.
93. Been told you have beautiful eyes.
94. Been told you have beautiful hair.
95. Raped somebody.
96. Danced in the rain.
97. Been rejected.
98. Left a restaurant without paying.
99. Punched someone/slapped someone in the face.
100. Been raped.

TOTAL PERCENTAGE: 58%

haha, i tag EVERYONE.
lets compare! ;)

bulldozer.

2009-04-19T00:06:00.003+08:00

lack of idea.lack of idea.lack of idea.
i should be studying now.
not facebook-ing, of myspace-ing, or even blogging.
ohh final exam how i've been waiting for you.
come to me baby~

i'm HUNGRY man!
argghhh..

lalala.

2009-04-12T01:05:00.001+08:00

please don't let me sleep alone...

blank.

2009-04-11T02:35:00.005+08:00

I feel like writing
but there's nothing in my head.
I think I should just sleep.

but I'm missing my long lost BIBY.

why now? why?
I need help.

who is BIBY?
should i say, BIBY was a person.
now, BIBY's no more existed in this world.
BIBY stays in a box inside my head.

BIBY was very kind and thoughtful.
BIBY cared a lot.
definitely BIBY loved me as much as BIBY could.
BIBY showered me with everything that i wanted as a girl.
BIBY did everything that BIBY wanted.
yes, BIBY did got mad and thrown things.
but still, BIBY was there when I needed BIBY most.

unfortunately,

one day, BIBY ran away from home.
BIBY got lost.
since then, BIBY had never came back.

but,

no worries, I will always be right here.
waiting for BIBY to come back home.
hoping and praying the best for BIBY.
and miracles could happen.
sooner or later BIBY will come back.

or maybe BIBY won't.

BIBY, you are my EVERYTHING.
you will ALWAYS BE.

come back home as soon as possible BIBY.
wipe away my tears.

I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU!

Out out brief candle.

6 6 6 - devil

2009-04-08T20:49:00.005+08:00

The Rules..

1) You just go to your photo folder in your computer.
2) Then go to the 6th folder of photos.
3) Then go to the 6th picture in that folder.
4) Put the picture on your blog n description of it.
5) Invite 6 friends to join the challenge.
6) Link them in your blog n let them know they have been challenged.

haha :) this is a a picture from my "bahan terampai" folder.
it's a picture of the embroidery on my favorite quilt cover.
it's an oh-so-random picture!

tag : ayesha syahira,alia othman,amalina kamal,lily dias,ain rosle,ain sazali.

doubleyoutee.

2009-04-06T23:08:00.002+08:00

when will i see your face again?
when will i be surrounded by your embrace?
i need you now now now.
i can't wait any longer.

*sigh*

depressed.

2009-04-03T02:09:00.002+08:00

i'm too tired.
body & brain.

owshettt !!

2009-03-31T20:57:00.004+08:00

FROGGY!!!
i miss you

30.03.2009

2009-03-30T12:31:00.005+08:00

hey,this picture was taken 2 years ago remember?? ;)

you're soo thin, soo handsome, soo cute!
haha. HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY dear. :)

p/s: put down some weight will you?hihihi..

lost.

2009-03-29T00:28:00.005+08:00

I don't wanna run away
but I can't take it I don't understand.

if I'm not made for you
then why does my heart tell me that I am?

is there any way
that I can stay in your arms?

because I miss you
body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away.

and I breathe you
into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today.

because I love you
whether it's wrong or right.

and though I can't be with you tonight
you know my heart is by your side.

facebook.

2009-03-28T00:29:00.003+08:00

facebook, i hate you.
i know i shouldn't because i met afiqah there.
afiqah is my long lost best friend back in primary.
but what to do,i just have to hate you.
i hate you facebook!
i hate you! i hate you! i really really hate u!!!!
i regretted the day that i open up an account there.
it is all because of you.
you're mean!
you're just that mean to me!!!!
i hate you!

something.

2009-03-27T01:19:00.002+08:00

miss your voice, and your touch.
and If I told you I loved you could that be enough?
and tonight I stay home and miss you more than you'll ever know.

p/s: no hard & heart feelings.somehow, this is sad tho.. :')

0330am.

2009-03-26T03:29:00.001+08:00

how do you sleep ?

one fine wire.

2009-03-25T11:33:00.002+08:00

stupid thoughts.

swollen eyes.

terrible headache.

sleepless night.

please just fade away.

tornado in my head.

tormented soul.

tortured by doubts and fears.

sorrow that sank deep inside my blood.

why can't you just go away?

me.

2009-03-22T02:33:00.003+08:00

Abstract thoughts.

Loves reality and abstract.
Intelligent and clever.
Changing personality.
Attractive.
Sexy.
Temperamental.
Quiet, shy and humble.
Honest and loyal.
Determined to reach goals.
Loves freedom.
Rebellious when restricted.
Loves aggressiveness.
Too sensitive and easily hurt.
Gets angry really easily but does not show it.
Dislike unnecessary things.
Loves making friends but rarely shows it.
Daring and stubborn.
Ambitious.
Realizing dreams and hopes.
Sharp.
Loves entertainment and leisure.
Romantic on the inside not outside.
Superstitious and ludicrous.
Spendthrift.

Tries to learn to show emotions.

hey,this is who i am.

power.

2009-03-22T01:45:00.003+08:00

tell me how i've lost my power?
why i've lost my power?
where is it?
why am i losing it?
i really need it,back.

1643hours.

2009-03-20T16:48:00.001+08:00

how could you do it?
I never saw it coming.
I need the ending.
so why can't you stay just long enough to explain?

mind clearing?

2009-03-19T03:09:00.005+08:00

i hate the fact that i miss you at this time of...should i say,morning?
i should be finishing my assignment instead of finishing this blog
it's not that i don't wanna finish my work
but i seriously feel the needs of clearing my mind
with spilling my thoughts by blogging before it distracts me even more
i will write no more, but those pictures shows what i need and feel now...

tick tock tock and tick.

2009-03-19T01:04:00.002+08:00

there's some things that I regret,
some words I wish had gone unsaid,
some starts,
that had some bitter endings,
been some bad times I've been through,
damage I cannot undo,
Some things,
I wish I could do all all over again,
but it don't really matter,
life gets that much harder,
it makes you that much stronger,
some pages turned,
some bridges burned,
but there were lessons learned.

there's mistakes that I have made,
some chances I just threw away,
some roads,
I never should've taken,
been some signs I didn't see,
hearts that I hurt needlessly,
some wounds,
that I wish I could have one more chance to mend,
but it don't make no difference,
the past can't be rewritten,
you get the life you're given,
some pages turned,
some bridges burned,
but there were lessons learned.

and every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
every change life has thrown me,
I'm thankful for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful for every scar,
some pages turned,
some bridges burned,
but there were lessons learned.

and all the things that break you,
all the things that make you strong,
you can't change the past,
because it's gone,
and you just gotta move on,
because it's all,
Lessons learned.

where are youuuuuuuu???? ;'(

why people why?

2009-03-17T00:12:00.004+08:00

i should be finishing my research by now.
i am surfing the net on an articles about ethical problems nowdays.
actually i had chose pornography among teenagers.
but then,i chose body piercing among youngster nowadays.
i had an idea of taking that as my topic last week.
while i was google-ing for some wierd images.
i should present it during my K O class this Thursday.
and i also have to submit the report also on the same day.

as i read on those articles,i wonder...
some people just stupidly did body piercing on thier genital areas?
why why why?
why do they do it?
and why must on those sensitive areas?
and the articles said that it is for sex pleasure?
wth is that? is it true?

maybe i should try it so that i can feel what they felt huh?
or maybe i should just let it be.
because it's not me tho.
it's them...

tomorrow i'm going to have my mandarin listening test at 2pm.
another economics test on saturday morning.
and i can't wait for all the tests to finish.
i wanted to go home but i'm BROKE.
maybe i should just stay at this jungle for a long period of time.
until everything gets better.
i mean, EVERYTHING.

i missed home,and i missed him too.
that is why,supposedly we shouldn't stay together for long.
when you see him everyday.
and suddenly one moring when you woke up he's not there.
things would be different.
and you started to miss him.
started to get sad and mad and you go crazy at times.
and you started to talk about him to the whole day,whole week.
and you keep on remembering all those stuff.
and and and and you can't stand it anymore?i need you. :'(

i hate it,i just hate the feelings.
but i have to deal with it.

i'm in an unstable condition now.

enough said,i'm OUT.

take my heart. :)

2009-03-16T03:01:00.004+08:00

You can take my heart for a walk on the beach
You can take my heart for a little trip
You can take my heart very close to your heart
You can take my heart forever if you like

But not every heart belongs to any other
You and I are meant to be

I'm the one for you
You're the one for me
You love me as much as I do

When you look at me
And we're skin to skin
I want you so please come in

And you love me more and more
And my love grows up with you
And you kiss me more and more
And I kiss you too
And I kiss you too

If I take your heart I will cherish it every day
If I take your heart I will heal these old wounds
If I take your heart it's to make it happy
If I take your heart it's forever close to mine

But not every heart belongs to any other
You and I are meant to be

I'm the one for you
You're the one for me
You love me as much as I do

When you look at me
And we're skin to skin
I want you so please come in

And you love me more and more
And my love grows up with you
And you kiss me more and more
And I kiss you too
And I kiss you too

I don't care
I don't care
If I'm again carried away

If you swear
If you swear
To give me your heart in return
To give me your heart in return

rise and shine, princess.

2009-03-11T23:03:00.000+08:00

wishlist.

2009-02-27T18:42:00.005+08:00

I'm nineTEEN.
and it's my last age which ends with TEEN.
oh no!I'm geeting older.

as today,i wish that

6.I'm somewhere else with my bestfriends,not here.

5.I'm having dinner with abh,mmy,abg,akm,ans.
4.I'm happier than ever which I'm not now.
3.I'm celebrating with monster.
2.I get lots of hugs&kisses.
1.You tell me you love me,tell me!tell me!

Give me more loving than I've ever had
Make it all better when I'm feeling sad
Tell me that I'm special even when I know I'm not

Make me feel good when I hurt so bad
Barely getting mad, I'm so glad I found you
I love being around you
You make it easy, it's as easy as 1, 2, 3, 4

Give me more loving from the very start
Piece me back together when I fall apart
Tell me things you never even tell your closest friends

There's only one thing to do
Three words for you I love you
There's only one way to say
Those three words and that's what I'll do,
I love you

&&,
i thank God because He let me live for another year in this world :)
i hope that i will live longer
get good grades
get a degree overseas
get a good work
got married
blablabla...
and there goes the list
until it gets longer & longer
& LONGER.

and not to be forgotten,for all the wishes
THANK YOU! xoxo.

monsoon

2009-02-26T21:19:00.000+08:00

I'm staring at a broken door
There's nothing left here anymore
My room is cold, it's making me insane
I've been waiting here so long
But now the moment seems to've come
I see the dark clouds coming up again

A half moon's fading from my sight
I see your vision in its light
But now it's gone and left me so alone
I know I have to find you now
Can hear your name, I don't know how
Why can't we make this darkness feel like home

Running through the monsoon
Beyond the world
To the end of time
Where the rain won't hurt
Fighting the storm
Into the blue
And when I lose myself, I'll think of you
Together we'll be running somewhere new
And nothing can hold me back from you
Through the monsoon

I'm fighting all its power
Coming in my way
Let it take me straight to you
I'll be running night and day
I'll be with you soon, just me and you
We'll be there soon, so soon...

when am i going to take bath?

2009-02-20T20:23:00.003+08:00

Last place you took a nap?
my not-so-comfortable bed.

What are you thinking about right now?
why do i have to suffer this period pain.

Last phone conversation over a half hour?
none.

Will you talk to someone special tonight?
hope so.

Do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 month?
i want it to last forever.

Will your next kiss be a mistake?
i dont know,no maybe.

Would you go a month without cursing?
i curse occasionally.

If someone liked you, what would be the best way to let you know?
buy me birthday presents ;)

Is it hard for you to get over someone?
yes,especially those that i loved most.

This time last year, do you remember who you were dating or who you liked?
it is still the same person now.

Are you wearing eyeliner?
no.

Would you rather be a priest or a drug dealer?
i would rather be a succesful investment analyst married to a successful lawyer.

What's something you often have in your hand(s)?
nothing.

Is there some homework you should be doing now?
statistics, omg! suddenly i remember that i have a handout that needs to be photocopied for the whole class!

Do you have school spirit?
used to.

What's the last thing you heard being said?
nobody's talking so i heard nothing.

Who understands you the best?
me & is there anybody else?

What was the last thing you inhaled?
smoke and oxygen.

Who would you like to have in your bed tonight?
someone who can rub my tummy and put me to sleep because i'm in pain.

How many mirrors are in the room with you?
one.

Who would you like to hear "I love you" from?
the person should know.

Is there anything around your neck?
my necklace is not with me now.

What does your wallet look like?
bulky but money-less.

What was the last BIGGEST mistake you made?
it was last year,lets not talk about it.

What food would you love to have this second?
i'm in pain so food won't cure it.

Who would you be shocked to see call you?
hm,that person.

What were you doing this time yesterday?
waiting for my ELS annual meeting to start.

When's the last time you had a bloody nose?
never had.

What's the last thing you burned yourself on?
can't remember.

Whose car were you in last?
abah's.

Who really gets to you?
him.

What did you do last night?
talked on the phone,studied,slept.

Have you ever trusted someone too much?
yes i did.

What's the last thing that upset you?
period pain.

What's going on in the next few hours?
take bath,surfing & papers cutting for tomorrow's event.